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|Season 1, Episode 1|
|Airdate||January 11, 2004|
|Written by||Dan Schneider|
|Directed by||Virgil L. Fabian|
Pilot is the first episode of Drake & Josh. It aired on January 11, 2004.
Drake Parker lives with his younger sister, Megan, and his mother, Audrey. Josh Nichols lives with his father, Walter. Drake and Josh both attend Belleview High School in San Diego and Walter and Audrey are dating. Drake comes home to see Walter and Audrey kissing. Drake shudders, walks up to them, and blows a whistle, causing them to scream and jump apart. Josh bursts out of the kitchen, brandishing a mop. Drake doesn't know why Josh was there and not at his house, so Audrey tells Drake to get Megan. When Megan comes down the stairs, Walter and Audrey reveal to Drake and Megan that they were getting married. Josh already knows this and is happy, but Drake can't believe this.
Also, Josh would be moving into Drake's room. Drake is even more unhappy about this because Drake thinks Josh is goofy. Drake criticizes the school newspaper, including an advice column belonging to Ms. Nancy. He then goes to play basketball, but when he gets downstairs, Audrey makes Drake go back upstairs to ask Josh if he wanted to play. However, when Drake returns to the bedroom, he finds Josh dressed in a wig, dress, and heels. Josh reveals to Drake that he's Ms. Nancy. Drake laughs hysterically about this, but Josh says that he can't write good advice without the dress. Drake can't understand why Josh thought he couldn't write good advice while wearing pants and tells Josh that not dressing like a lady was good advice. He then sees a letter from a girl Drake had a crush on: Tiffany Margolis. He reads the letter and it said that Tiffany wished her boyfriend, Buck, would write her a romantic poem, bring her flowers, or cook her a romantic dinner. Drake wants to "help" Tiffany out with her problem and tells Josh that if he doesn't let Drake "help" Tiffany, he would tell the whole world that Josh was Ms. Nancy. Josh doesn't think Drake is that evil, so Drake proves Josh wrong by leaning out the window and yelling, "PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, LISTEN UP! JOSH NICHOLS IS MISS--". But Josh slams the window on Drake's spine before he can finish. Josh pulls Drake back inside and finally lets Drake "help" Tiffany. At school, Drake purposely walks up to Tiffany and pretends to be writing a romantic poem. Drake then tells Tiffany that he's going to go download a recipe off the internet and that he cooks while he's not picking flowers. They introduce themselves and Drake gets a dinner date with Tiffany. That night, Megan secretly puts hot sauce on Drake and Josh's food and drink. Before Drake and Josh eat, Drake blackmails Josh into making dinner for him and Tiffany. They eat their food and drink their soda. Josh ends up dousing himself with the flower vase and Drake ends up diving in the fish tank. Drake and Josh jump out the window and take turns spraying themselves with the hose. Megan closes and locks the window. Josh secretly fixes ravioli for Drake and Tiffany and Drake takes the credit. Drake goes to get some dessert and Josh sits down with Tiffany. Then, Buck arrives, thinking that Josh was the one Tiffany was on a date with. He challenges Josh to a fight at 3:00 on Monday.
Josh is furious with Drake, so he and Josh pay a sensei to teach Josh karate. At first, Josh is terrible, not being able to break a piece of wood and losing matches to little girls. However, he starts to get the hang of it. However, at the fight, Josh gets knocked unconscious with one punch. Later, Drake hides Josh's Ms. Nancy costume. Josh calls Drake "the worst stepbrother ever," but Drake asks Josh what he would say if someone said they had to wear a dress in order to give good advice. Josh says that he would say that good advice comes from the heart and what's inside you, not the clothes you wear. Drake criticizes this, but Josh says that that was good advice. Drake points out that in that case, Josh had given good advice while wearing pants. Josh thanks Drake for pointing this out and apologizes for calling Drake a bad stepbrother. Then, Drake apologizes for blackmailing Josh. However, he says that they're not friends anymore; they're brothers.
Audrey: Drake, Josh is downstairs.
Drake: Oh, really? Cause I was just writing a song about him. It's called "I'm not sharing my room with Josh!"
Audrey: Look, I know this is gonna be a big adjustment, but I need you to give this a chance.
Drake: But, mom. He's goofy, he's clammy-
Josh (arriving at the door): Hiya, Drake!
Drake: He's here.
Josh: I got you some licorice; the red kind. I know some people like the black kind, but I thought I'd just play it safe-
Drake: (slams door in Josh's face) Mom, don't do this to me.
Audrey: (opens door)
Josh: I should've gotten the black kind, right?
Walter: Now it's my turn to kiss you. (kisses Audrey)
Audrey: Now it's my turn to kiss you. (kisses Walter)
Drake: Now it's my turn to throw up.
Drake: Lamps don't think that fast.
Drake: Hey, Josh. You don't want to go play some basketb-AAAHHHHH!
Josh (dressed like a lady): AAAAHHH!
Drake: OH MY GOD!
Josh: I CAN EXPLAIN!
Drake: OH MY GOD!
Josh: I CAN EXPLAIN!
Drake: Mom! Josh is dressed like a freak!
Josh: I can explain!
Drake: Why are you dressed like Queen Latifah?!
Drake: Wait, from the advice column from the school newspaper? You're Ms. Nancy?!
Drake: (laughs hysterically)
Josh: Quit laughing! Being Ms. Nancy is very important to me! I help people with their problems!
Drake: You can't help people while wearing pants?!
Josh: You don't understand. I need the dress. I can't write good advice without it.
Drake: You want good advice? Stop dressing up like a lady!
Josh: Quit sniffing my mail!
Drake: Poor Tiffany. So sad, so lonely, so hot! Yep, I think I can help her.
Josh: What are you thinking? What are you thinking?!
Buck: So! It's true!
Josh: What, that I have a concussion?
Buck: I turn my back for five seconds and you're on a date with--with this clown?!
Josh (wheezing): Trouble...breathing...
Buck: You're hamburger meat! You understand me?
Josh: But I'm a vegetarian!
Drake: I thought you needed to pee.
Josh (looking down): Done.
Drake: You're right. He's gonna kill you. Hey, can I have your computer?
- Audrey and Walter are the first to share a kiss in the series.
- Josh says "Hug me, brothah!" for the first time.
- Walter seems relatively good at basketball (although he smashes a lamp). It's possible that Josh's grandmother taught him.
- This episode marks the first time someone crossdresses (in this case, Josh).
- This is the first time a guy (Josh, in this case) puts something in his clothes to make it look like he has breasts. This occurs again in Steered Straight of season four.
- Megan plays her first prank on Drake and Josh in this episode.
- Toshi Toda guest starred as the martial arts teacher.
- The martial arts teacher would later appear in First Crush with a new business.
- Eric Blonowitz made a cameo appearance in the fight scene, but didn't become an official character until Pool Shark.
- After the opening comment, the camera shows a closeup of the house and it is the afternoon. However, when Drake comes home, you see that it's nighttime right behind him.
- Josh says that he can't sleep on the couch but in Smart Girl, he slept on the couch.
- Why did Drake ask if Josh's "breasts" were real, when he saw him before and it was clear he didn't have them?
- When the little girl beats up Josh, she is a black belt but when Josh beats her up successfully, she is a purple belt.